quietplacelogs | you can color my world with sunshine every day

Featuring: Will Byers

deadboywalking and you~
What's happening: General March catch-all business
Day/s: Throughout March (3/02-3/31)
Content warning: panic attacks, ptsd, mentions of self-harm, possession, death, suicidal ideation (all in prompt 3)

i. casa de wheeler-byer

[So Will and Mike have a house now, which is an excellent thing for two eighth-graders to have. It's small, just enough for the two of them, and Will is obsessed with it. He's barely left it since the first day it appeared, busy painting every single wall with the variety of art supplies he got from Eddie.

One wall is a forest, one is a lake, another is a field with the sun shining and the sky a brilliant blue (and a rainbow ofc), and another is a literal castle. Will's working on this last one now, in the living room, sitting cross-legged so he can work on the details of every single stone in the outer wall, the links in the chain of the drawbridge, the sprigs of bright green grass along the moat. He's got paint all over him, in his hair, smudged on his face, on his clothes.

He hasn't been this happy in weeks. Since before coming to Reims. Since before the Upside-Down. He's in a focused, intent trance, but he's calm and happy enough that any visitors would be welcomed.]

ii. do you take commissions?

[Now that Will has his art supplies back, he's on a roll. He's already helped Kara and Faith redecorate, as well as made a sign for Majima, so why not offer his services to more people who might need it?

Hence:] un: willthewise - if anyone needs anything drawn or painted or any signs or anything done, let me or mike know. it's really grey and sad here, so i wanna help it be a little more colorful, if i can. mike's usually at fight club, and i'm at castle wheeler-byers. it's got a sign, you can't miss it.

i'll also be doing illustrations for mike's book of monsters thing, so if you gave him anything for that and want to make sure i did it right, come by.

iii. because a vision softly creeping left it's seeds while i was sleeping; open to close CR

[Most days are good ones. Will has settled in to a routine here in Reims -- go to Fight Club with Mike, visit his friends, draw or paint or sketch late into the night. Try and stay out of trouble -- nothing stupid or risky, stay away from the monsters. Help out where-ever he can. It's not perfect, it's not home, but Will's sort of happy here.

On the good days.

But then there are the bad ones. Sometimes it's a nightmare, sometimes it's a smell or a sight or a barely-audible sound. Sometimes Will just wakes up and he knows already it's going to be one of the bad days. He'll try to go through his routine like normal, try to pretend that everything's okay, but then there'll be that one tiny thing that flips the switch in his brain and --

-- and he's back, he's riding home from mike's and something is chasing him, he's in the shed with the rifle, no he's in the shed tied to a chair, no he's not in the shed he's in castle byers and there's something growingfesteringliving in his lungs and his throat and his stomach, no he's in the field behind school and it's in his ears in his eyes in his mouth and arms and legs and mind and bones and it's walking for him talking for him killing for him, he's in the upside-down and he's so so cold, he's in the lab and there are needles in his arms, he's in the lab and bob is dying bleeding screaming and he's happy he's so happy it's exactly as he planned, he's in the shed and tapping out C L O S E G A T E C L O S E G A T E K I L L I T K I L L M E K I L L M E --

and in reality Will is sitting hunched over on the front steps of his house in Reims, doubled almost in half, absolutely still, absolutely silent, because he has his wrist shoved into his mouth and he's biting down as hard as he can to keep from screaming.

Because he has to be quiet.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Kara nods enthusiastically.] Yeah, just like that. I'm glad you and Mike are such great friends.

[after she says that, though, Will's just looking at her and just looks... so lost, still, and Rao's light, she wishes she could help him more. What on Earth could he be talking about? Before the monsters?]

What do you think is wrong with you? If you want to talk about it. You don't have to, but maybe I can help.

Me too. He's my best friend.

[Here he hesitates, shifting back and forth on his seat. He wants to tell her. He wants to be honest, and he can almost -- almost -- believe that she won't be upset or disgusted or horrified. But the words catch in his throat, so he tries talking around them.]

I don't...like things that...normal people like. I don't understand them and...I know I'm supposed to.

[Kara lets out a quiet sigh, and she... she thinks she gets it, now. For a moment, they're on a bench, on the boardwalk, looking out at the water, and it's not Will next to her but her sister, Alex. I think I have feelings for Maggie.

She could be wrong, but she doesn't think she is. And for Will to be this young and thinking about this already... and isn't he from the 80s on his Earth? She thinks that's what Mike told her, at the beginning. It's extraordinarily brave of him to even hedge around it.

Heck, by the time Alex came out, the world was way more accepting, and it was still extraordinarily brave for her, too. She's never quite understood "coming out" - in some ways. She understands keeping a part of you hidden, even if it's not the same. She's Supergirl after all. But on Krypton, no one had to come out about anything. Who you loved didn't... It didn't matter.

And it matters so much on Earth, all the time.

She's not sure what to say, wasn't sure what to say when Alex came out either.]

You can tell me. Whatever it is, I'm not going to judge you. I'm just here to listen.

[maybe she's wrong but... she doesn't think she is.]

[Will's dropped his head, staring intently at his knees, hands curled into tight fists in his lap. There's a little corner of his mind that he keeps locked tight, with every single thing that's been said to him -- by the kids at school, by some of the adults around town, by his dad -- shoved inside, out of sight, out of mind, so he won't have to think about it. He doesn't let it out. He doesn't even acknowledge it exists.

But just for a second, for the space between breaths, Will let's the tight control loosen, just a fraction. When the words come, they're hoarse, ugly, hurting things dragged out from that deep, dark, quiet place.]

When he still lived with us, my dad would...always tell me to stop being such a faggy little crybaby. Stop acting like a little girl. Man up. No son of his is going to be the town queer.

...Kara, I don't...I don't want him to be right about me.

[Kara winces and tries very hard not to let her growing anger boil to the surface so Will can see. She's mostly successful, but her brow furrows. How could someone say that? To their kid? No wonder Will's so... upset about everything. Holy toledo that's awful and not fair. She shakes one hand free so that she can grab both of Will's, squeezing tightly (but carefully), giving him an intense look as she ducks her head to meet his gaze.]

He's not right. Not that you're not - [she breaks off with a sigh.] Will, if you're gay, then that is... perfectly fine. I have so many friends who are gay, and I'm... [another pause. What would she consider herself? She's never really thought about it. On Earth, it's important, but her most formative years were on Krypton, where nothing like this mattered.]

I like girls. Like-like girls, and guys, and I know people can be cruel about it. But your dad, anyone else like him, they're the ones that are wrong, for saying things like that, for hurting you. You are not wrong. Not even a little bit.

[She grabs onto his hand and says -- that. Not the first part (he reflexively twitches at the word "gay", which is so strange, he'd been able to say the horrible words, but the actual one, the accurate one makes him recoil), but the second part. She says it and Will's abruptly caught between two undeniable truths: 1) being like that is wrong and dirty and evil and anyone who is doesn't belong among normal people, and 2) there is nothing wrong or bad in Kara, period, end of story. These two things battle for a moment, because they can't both be true, and it shows in Will's confused, lost expression.

And then the second one wins.

And Will lets out his breath, shaky and hoarse, ducks forward and into Kara's arms, squeezing onto her as tight as he can.]

Please don't tell anyone.

[Kara returns the hug immediately, pillows trapped ridiculously between them. She squeezes Will, resting her chin on his head, and rubs his back. This, all over again, makes her ache for her sister, miss her with a fierce intensity that she can't feel if she's going to keep her head straight here.

She's locked home in a box in her head and tries not to let it out, ever, but right now it's pried open, and her eyes sting just a bit. After all, it wasn't long ago she was sitting on her couch, holding Alex just like she's holding Will while Alex struggled with coming to terms with her own sexuality.

Kara presses a kiss to the top of Will's head because she'd do it for Alex, another comforting gesture, and when she speaks, it's muffled into Will's hair.]

Of course not. Your secret's safe with me. [she pulls Will back a little then, a kind smile on her face, as she gestures at her supersuit.] I'm pretty good at keeping secrets.

[not that the two are equivalent, but still in all, Will's the first person here she's told about being Supergirl.]

[Will's very teary now, reaching to wipe at his eyes, but there's a smile hidden somewhere under all that. He hopes -- he hopes so hard, with every fiber of his being -- that since Kara and his mom have so much in common, if he ever tells Joyce what he just told Kara, she won't reject him either.

So he lets out a shaky breath, not wanting to move too far away from Kara.] ...especially Mike. And Frank. I don't want them to...treat me differently.

[Kara keeps rubbing slow circles over his back, and she nods against his hair.]

I won't tell anyone at all, not even them.

[Mike she understands, but it's not like she can talk to Frank anyway. He doesn't want her to, and wow, hearing his name still hurts, a guilty twist in her gut. She messed things up badly, irreparably, and he doesn't want to speak to her ever again. At least Will won't have to worry there, which is good.]

[Don't tell Will mom and dad aren't speaking, he'll try and Parent Trap you two. But at least he seems a little calmer, nudging his forehead against her shoulder and exhaling shakily. He's still small enough for his age that he could easily fit into her lap. And for once, that fact doesn't make him feel embarrassed.]

Okay. Okay, thank you.

...I won't tell anyone about your secret either. Promise.

[Kara smiles just a bit against his hair.] Thank you. I appreciate that.

And I'm sorry I scared you earlier. I didn't mean to.

[she never wants to do something like that.]

[Will shakes his head a little, hair getting all fluffy because he's snuggled up so tight.]

You just startled me. I'd never be scared of you.

[Kara huffs out a happy sigh, squeezing Will again for good measure.]

Well, good. And I'll try as hard as I can to keep you from being scared of anything else here either.

you can color my world with sunshine every day

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cw: slurs

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