Akira Kurusu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beguiledcard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
quietplacelogs2018-01-24 12:42 am
beguiledcard) wrote in quietplacelogs2018-01-24 12:42 am
Entry tags:
we never had a choice; this world has too much noise
featuring: anyone who tags the first prompt; the A Team akira kurusu & alexandre tialys ( priwen )
eventually goro akechi (lowkeycrazy )
what's happening? alex pulls an early rank 9 on akira ( aka dies to protect him ), and akira deals with it great.it's fine, he's fine, it's all fine . . .
day: 8
content warnings: death, survivor's guilt, and spoilers for persona 5
notes: open to brackets or prose! toplevels will be typed as things progress. plurk is![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
skiesonfire and i gladly welcome plotting!
priwen )eventually goro akechi (
lowkeycrazy )what's happening? alex pulls an early rank 9 on akira ( aka dies to protect him ), and akira deals with it great.
day: 8
content warnings: death, survivor's guilt, and spoilers for persona 5
notes: open to brackets or prose! toplevels will be typed as things progress. plurk is
1 / open to all
Akira's restless.
It's been over a week, and he's managed to come up with zero answers. Nothing. Zilch. Sure it's only been a week, but... he'd been hoping to come up with something. Considering what he'd managed to do back home, there should be... something. Somewhere to begin.
... And, of course... this is the thought process that leads to him venturing towards the edge of town. He can be found staring in the direction of... away from the "safety" of the more crowded place.
( Akira, what the hell are you up to? )
There are the times he can be seen wandering around, ensuring things are still soundproof. He's definitely not hanging around any one place for long, but it's still very easy to see him out and about!
2 // closed to alex
... Which is eventually how he can be found by Alex!
Only he's already started out of town, and is more on the outskirts. He's kneeling down next to a decent-sized bag of ( currently not visible ) items, clearly sorting through them.
In reality, he's sorting the very small inventory he currently has -- the size of the bag is more meant for whatever supplies he manages to find out there...
closed to goro akechi
He would be lying if he tried to claim there isn't a tiny hint of tears there.
But he's quickly fighting those back, glaring in place of looking like he wants to fucking cry. He isn't going to cry. He's not going to make a sound. He isn't going to waste Alexandre's-
... Sacrifice...
Once again...
Someone sacrificed their life for... for what?? He's not--
... --not going to... finish that thought. ]
no subject
The bone-deep exhaustion has yet to leave him, and at this point, he suspects it may never well. He's fallen into frustratingly mundane routine. But ideas to do anything more slip through his grasp like water, a wave of fatigue passing over him each time.
There are highlights to living here, and the environment, though dangerous, is still decidedly less stressful than the situation he was in before. But a singular month cannot undo a lifetime of strain.
He's headed back for his house to sleep, probably— he's been doing an awful lot of that lately— when he notices Kurusu.
He doesn't intend on regarding him with any more familiarity than that with a stranger. A soundless greeting as he passes by. But as he draws near, he notices something peculiar.
A sheen in Kurusu's eyes.
And that certainly gives him pause. He comes to a stop, arching an eyebrow at him in question. He's been learning the sign language here in his off time, but he thinks his having stopped and throwing a questioning glance at the other gets the point across clear enough.]
no subject
And it's almost a knee-jerk reaction -- he tenses, expression straining with every bit of effort to ease into something more neutral? Calm? Heh. Go figure his face wouldn't cooperate now, of all times.
He relents, letting it mold into something of a glare lacking in venom. One of frustration. And, after a moment, he simply types up a message, sending it to Akechi's phone, his jawline tense with a suppressed scream. ]
I encountered a Sound Eater.
[ After it's sent, he drops the bag to his side, and it's just... inches from the ground. There's a belated look of alarm that flashes across his face.
Heh. He needs to... calm himself. There's a pause, and then he glances in the direction of the house he's staying in. After looking back to Akechi, he gives a nod of sorts, and then looks to the house.
At least if he slips up and makes a small sound, it should be... remotely safer, right? ]
no subject
He knows that look— that look when you're trying to pull your mask up and it just keeps slipping off, and immediately, he's irritated. But why should he expect anything different? Why should he ever expect honesty from Akira Kurusu? They aren't friends or comrades, and they're only confidants in the loosest sense of the word.
Just like that he's already found a reason why he doesn't want to linger, doesn't want to spend more than a few moments with Kurusu at best, and his gaze sharpens and he nearly moves to leave—
when he sends him a message, and still frowning, he takes his own device out and reads it.
A Sound Eater...
... but he's clearly alive. Unless he was just returning from the reset room? He's clearly on edge, either way, and for all his efforts to seem calm, there are obvious cracks in his facade.
His gaze follows Kurusu's, lips pressing into a thin line for a moment.
... he isn't entirely sure why he agrees. But soundlessly, he moves towards the house, instinctively checking the hinges before he makes his way inside. He'll follow Kurusu's lead from there.]
no subject
Not that he'll be giving up on trying to work with him, but to let Akechi see him in such a vulnerable state is the last thing he could ever want. Still, he should know, right? How dying at the hands of Sound Eaters works? It... could wait, though. His memory of that moment won't be fading any time soon... But, guess this is why some might consider him crazy.
Some part of him wants to be around this guy, because there's some insane part of him that feels like he'll be able to find those magical words to help him.
As if anything he could do could help him.
It's once they're inside, he makes his way into his section of the family room. There's a set of mattresses that are set up like a relatively normal bed... and a chair, which he gestures towards for the older teen. He sits down on the bed so that he's positioned nearest said chair -- without how it's positioned, there's still several feet between himself and it.
As Akechi decides what he wants to do (stand or sit), he's staring at the floor.
Then, after they're both settled, he risks a heavy sigh. He's going to get right to the details and treat this as though it's some report. He's just... tired. He wants to get this out of the way as soon as possible.
Akechi likes information, right?? Well, good, he's getting plenty of it. ]
Alexandre's dead.
We were exploring some abandoned houses. Right as we finished with the last one, and were headed back, a part of the house crumbled. It was going to crush me, but he used one of his abilities to push me out of the way.
Even with his shield up, he was killed by a Sound Eater...
I can't actually say the natives weren't telling the truth about not being able to see the Sound Eaters. I was right there, looking right at Alexandre, and yet a wave of confusion and disorientation hit me right in the moment he died.
And...
Well, I can't actually say for sure how he died. His body vanished after everything.
[ His hands tremble for just a couple of seconds, but he quickly shifts them so they're resting firmly against his legs to hide the unsteadiness. ]
no subject
So he waits, device set in his lap and cradled in his hands as he takes in Kurusu's state. Hears that heavy sigh come out of him. It's... interesting. He's never seen him quite this distressed before. Not even when—
... who the hell is Alexandre?
One of the people who had been abducted to this world, presumably. Is Kurusu really bent so out of shape over a stranger—
Right, the Sound Eaters. So the threat is real, fatal and undetectable. Lovely. Though, really... perhaps he should be more upset than he is, with the constant threat of danger lurking should he so much as make a misstep and create some undue noise.
... not that what he would consider to be what he's currently doing "living" anyway...
A soft sigh through his nose as he considers this information when he catches a movement in his peripheral vision, and glances up.
He trembled.
So this is what takes the resilient and level-headed Kurusu over the edge? The sacrifice of a person he'd barely known?
Oh, the desire to break out into maniacal laughter is nearly impossible to give into. And yet somehow he manages not to. Probably because it isn't actually funny at all.]
Oh, I wouldn't worry. He'll be revived shortly, won't he? Well, maybe. And then you can have a heart-warming reunion.
I'm tearing up just at the thought of it.
[He's not.]
What a different place our world would be if all the people you killed could be brought back to life, just like that?
A shame that it isn't.
no subject
Even now, after all these years, there's still the part of him that wants to believe there's a shred of decency in everyone. He does still see some light in Akechi, and yet the person in question seems hellbent on fighting to keep it snuffed out. Akira still believes in him, after all this time, yet he'd be lying if he said there isn't the bitter side of himself in play. The part of him that wants to just let this whole thing go, because maybe then things could hurt for the both of them just a little less. Clearly being around each other produces something toxic.
... But he'd never forgive himself, and he knows it would hurt more in the end to give up on Akechi.
Those messages have his hands tightening on the phone to the point where he's dimly surprised the screen doesn't crack. His knuckles turn white, the trembling now something of... anger. The glare he shoots Akechi is sharp, his eyes lighting up with something he might remember seeing on the ship.
Only this time, his eyes are shining. He only has time for a quietly hissed-out, verbal slip-up of: ]
Is that what you think this is about?
[ ... before he's ducking his head, one hand managing to wipe at his eyes and his face in time to catch it. Like hell he's letting Akechi, of all people, see him cry. He... really needs to get more sleep. Pull it together, Kurusu.
Oh, but he could be so fucking spiteful right now, couldn't he? He actually bites his own tongue to stop himself. The anger shifts -- guilt and pain flare up along with it, and it's there as he looks back up at Akechi. He takes a deep breath, and then he's looking back down to send a message. ]
I know you couldn't care less about some stranger, but you clearly don't know me at all.
Enough games.
What is it that you really want to say?
no subject
Something in his stomach twists unpleasantly. Why do things always have to turn out like this...?
It's smoothed away by cold resentment. Kurusu stabbed him in the back just as much as Akechi did. He knew he was wrapped up in something utterly fucked up, but instead of doing anything about it, he played stupid and let Akechi be lulled into a false sense of security. Perhaps the circumstances here are different now, but the past cannot be undone, and regardless of his being alive in Reims... back there, on that ship, he died.
... and good riddance to bad rubbish.
His eyebrows quirk up at the hiss, and he actually...
brings up a hand to press a finger to his lips. Shhh.
And for a moment? Something dark and twisted inside of him delights at the way his eyes glisten. At the way Kurusu moves too quickly to rub at his eyes. At how he can get underneath the steady facade of the unflappable Akira Kurusu and make him crack from the inside.
Kurusu did have a way of bringing the best and the worst out of him.
He sees that guilt and pain and he thrives on it. Yes... feel that pain. Feel that pain, because it can't remotely compare to what he's felt for most of his life. Feel that pain and know that you could have done something to stop all this, but didn't. Feel that pain and know that you fucked up.]
Isn't it obvious?
[He grins a little.]
You killed me, Akira.
no subject
Not just based on the previous message Akechi sent him, but based on what he now knows of the older teen. The guy who wouldn't know a good thing if it punched him in the face, and... speaking of?
Damn if that isn't exactly what he wants to do, right this second. But, he takes a deep breath. Things are... really bad between them, aren't they? He... said he's here. He told Akechi that, himself. He can't afford to lose it. Just like with all the other Confidants he's made, he has to focus on him. Just him. The guy who doesn't even seem to understand himself, since he's sending that message just after making it clear he cares enough to keep him alive.
So... what? He wants to do the pushing before Akira does it, himself?
With that in mind -- and in spite of the flicker of pain mixed with anger, as well as the way he averts his gaze -- he manages a slow exhale. Calm down... ]
If you were looking for a sore spot, Goro, don't worry. You hit it.
[ #sass, but also is this seriously how first name basis was formed because jesus christ???
... No, he doesn't seriously think this is how first name basis is being formed. And his expression is softening into something filled with genuine regret. ]
I'm sorry, by the way...
I never thanked you for what you did in that Palace.
But, do you really believe I wouldn't have jumped in to protect you, if I'd had even a second longer?
[ There's a flicker of something on his face, though: realization. Because it doesn't feel right. Is this really about what happened on the ship...? Akechi hit that switch on account of believing that they would jump to fight alongside him...
So, then... ??? ]
Why do you believe I'm the one who killed you?
no subject
So why the hell is he admitting his weakness? Why the hell is he apologizing? Why the fuck is he thanking him?
The grin disappears to an expression of... surprise. And then a fire starts to light in his eyes.
It doesn't matter what you "would" have done, he suddenly wants to scream at him. It doesn't matter, because what happened can never be undone! You betrayed me, Kurusu!
His nostrils flare for a moment, body tensing and his hands suddenly clutching his device rather tightly, like he's gearing up to attack. Unstable as he is, at the moment... the threat of a Sound Eater is the only thing keeping him back.
Just barely.
An exhale of disbelief, almost a wry laugh of a breath, before he types.]
I believed that I was trapped in my life. That any insubordination would mean my death. It was complete my goal, or die trying.
You knew I was to kill you. And what was your decision? To utterly fool me, humiliate me, and cut me out of your life.
Tell me, Kurusu. Those times that I hypothesized about the culprit and mentioned that perhaps they were being controlled; what did you think my intent was?
no subject
He does notice that anger, he does see the way it looks like Akechi’s on the brinks of snapping – it’s enough to have Akira visibly on edge, eyes narrowing with concern. Heh… even now, he’s more worried about the older teen, than he is for himself. What the fuck is wrong with them…
But, it’s just a sound that’s not far from one that Akira himself wants to make. ]
…
[ So that’s why he believes he killed him!? Akira’s hands curl tightly into fists, and he can’t even fight back the shred of guilt that surfaces.
In the end, their focus has been on Shido. On tricking him. On surviving. Isn’t that… the same fucking thing that Akechi had been doing, so who the hell is he to really judge–…
… They’re way more alike – all of them – than any of them had really seemed to acknowledge, besides Ann. She was always the first to point out that he could be right, or to even ask if he was really that much different than them. ]
By that point, everything was already set into motion.
When we made our plan, it wasn’t to trick you. It was to trick Shido.
I didn't know you well enough by that point. How was I supposed to know, without a doubt, that it wasn't part of the act?
Besides, Akechi…
[ His jawline is tense as he sends the next part: ]
It's sounding like you believe it was our responsibility to free you.
But, freedom isn't handed to anyone, by anyone. It's fought for.
no subject
For just a moment, he's startled. Just a moment of pain flashes over his face, before it's smoothed away by cold indifference.
It was all about Shido, wasn't it? He was just an inconsequential piece in this puzzle. He may as well be a nameless pawn. Why on earth would they change their plans just to help him? No, no, that would imply he was worth saving, that his life was of any consequence— how interesting that the thieves had realized that in the little time he'd gotten to know them.
Of course it was his own responsibility to attain his freedom. He should have fought harder, been stronger, because the only one he can ever rely on is himself. How foolish of him, to think for a split second that there might have been someone he could trust. How foolish of him, to think for a split second that there might have been someone willing to pull him out of his deep despair and misery.
Of course. He was weak and trivial. How could he have forgotten something so obvious?]
Of course.
[He stands up then, and does something he hasn't in a long while. He flashes Kurusu a smile. He and Kurusu both know it's entirely faked, and that's the point.
Akechi has put his walls back up.]
Well, Kurusu-san, I do thank you for what information you've given me. However, it's getting rather late, and I'm feeling ready to retire. You ought to get some sleep, as well.
[He bows at the chest.]
Good day.
[And he promptly turns to leave the premises.]